Dear Madame Talena,

Today just gets better and better. First Fallon responds to the e-mail I sent her, and now you, too?!?!? Geez. I figured I wouldn't get a response from either of you. Why? What would possess you to even bother with such a thankless task as responding to my babble? Were you just trying to recommend that band to everyone and figured it was a good way? I sure hope so. I knew Canadians had the word "nice" sewn into their DNA, but there's got to be a line as to who you're nice to, right? I should be labeled along with the deluded freaks who e-mail you with real marriage proposals. Well, maybe not them, but one of their sur-groups.
I saw a picture of one of the guys from Witchmoon. I forget which one, though. I really liked his nose. I'm going to make a website dedicated to it tomorrow.
I just noticed that the first word you said in the response was "thanx." And then you later wrote "but i will begin by saying thanx." I just found that really, really funny. It's 2:19 in the morning, so you know.
Another thing I noticed about your e-mail was that you cleared up a mystery for me: I've realized why no one ever responds to my e-mails. THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! Thank you for pointing that out to me. And thank you for thanking me, twice. And thank you again for thanking me, twice. Heh.
So, now I just need to figure out a way to put things in that people can respond to. Like, "what did you have for breakfast?" Or "if you were a pair of pants, would you soil yourself so you could ride around in the dryer?" Okay, let me try this out: What would the something do something if . . .
Shoot. I'm going to have to work on that. But it doesn't matter anyway. You're not even reading this. You hired a naked fat guy to read your e-mail for you, like Fallon did.
And I'd like to recommend a band to you in return for Witchmoon. This band called Rasputina is three girls who play cellos. They plug the cellos into amps and distortion petals and the like. If their music isn't beautiful, it's brilliant. Their web site is www.rasputina.com. The old layout was better and had song clips. The new one sucks the bum of a diarrhea-suffering Norm MacDonald. But still, it's great music. Shoot. Now I feel bad. I should actually check out that Witchmoon website.
NOOOO!!!!!! While waiting to sign on, I thought I'd play a quick video game and now my f'n Nintendo is broken!!!! I just got it today, too!!!!!! Grrraaaah!!!! Now I'm all angry and I'm going to hate Witchmoon.
Whoa! While looking for a screwdriver in my closet, I found my old Nintendo system!!!! AND IT WORKS!!!!! LUCK AGAINST LUCK IT WORKS!!!!!!! Thank goodness the Witchmoon song took so long to download. Now I'll like them. But now I just spent $60.00 for a worthless Nintendo system. CURSES!!!!!
That song was pretty cool. The only thing I don't really like is that they're pretty much another Coal Chamber rip-off. But that was a good song, nonetheless. "Something something something 'cause they never believed in me!" And they look cool. Like, I don't know, they just have a cool look. From the fat guy with the blood on his face to the dude with the Misfits gerry curl thing. It's cool. Darn it, I just saw Pauly Shore singing "Nookie" on MTV. The whole thing is ruined again. So I'm going to go to sleep and hope I can erase the memory of Pauly Shore from my head. Then I'll re-check out Witchblade. A CURSE UPON THE ANUS OF PAULY SHORE!!!! May he remain talentlessly impotent for the rest of his cursed life!!!

Have a nice day,
-Trent