7/1/2000 - A new quote was added to the first page. And I stepped in a chocolate-caramel substance. Ew.
7/2/2000 - More people should respect Bon Jovi. That new song, "It's My Life," is pretty good. At least, I like it. This is Kittie related because Kittie isn't going to be on a Bon Jovi tribute album. In related news, Bon Jovi isn't going to be on a Kittie tribute album.
7/3/2000 - I am very lazy. I have three things I want to put on the site, but I haven't gotten around to making any of them. Now I don't feel like having correct sentence structure. Laziness to have is fun but good web pages it does not make. Funny things should you make for me for I not have patience no more. In the free world keep on rockin'!
7/4/2000 - The Kittie site "Choke" was brought back to us. After days of oppression at the hands of the French, Stefanie (the webmaster) moved the site to a better server. Also, if you've noticed the new blue look of www.kittie.net, well, that's her doing, as well. Impressive, no? I added an account of my experience at a recent Kittie show. And the Fourth of July kicks ass! Well, if you believe in it. If you don't, you're probably French. Go take a bath, Frenchie! Go take a bath and make me some french fries!!!! Or I'll hit you with one of those big bread things! And then I'll laugh at your sissy little hat!!! Grey Poupon, Frenchie!!!
7/5/2000 - I like not updating for a few days and then pretending that I updated every day. Ha ha ha!!!
7/6/2000 - I added two mails that I sent to Mercedes in the love/hate mail section. I felt bad for not putting anything new on the site for a while. So this should tide you over until I make something new. Unless you're reading this after I added something new. In which case, I now put a curse upon your soiled buttocks!!
7/7/2000 - I changed the main page up a bit. After doing this, I noticed that my main page is almost identical to the back of Kittie's cd "Spit." It amazed me. I swear that this is a total coincidence. Unless I did it on purpose and forgot that I did. Which I'm sure I didn't, because I'm not that clever. Unless I am and just forgot that I am.
7/8/2000 - I added four links. Well, I added four links to the same site: Fallon is a Goddess - The Official Fallon Site! I really like the site and couldn't decide which banner to link to it with. So I'm using all four banners. The site is that good!
7/9/2000 - I added a bunch on sections: a tour date/event calendar, a biography, and lyrics. Which means that I'm now a legitimate Kittie site! Whoo! Along with that, I'm also the seventh funniest. The only difference is that I try to be funny intentionally.
7/10/2000 - Since it appears I'm on a "I'll put a bunch of useless, stupid things on the website and everyone will like them because they're new" binge, I added yet another section. This one I did during my latest bout of insomnia: Lyric interpretations! Yes, that's right, I deciphered each and every line of each and every song from "Spit." It's silly. It's stupid. But it's new! So you can't complain! Unless you get offended by any of the interpretations. In which case, you have a right to complain. But just remember that I also have the right to wave my buttocks in your face and fart poo dust in your eyes.
Egads, but that's a disgusting thought!
7/11/2000 - Kittie's home video "Spit In Your Eye" was released today. After viewing it several times, I can safely say that I like it. A lot. I officially give it four out of five Kids in the Hall.
   
"Why only four," you ask? Well, the answer is quite simple: I don't know. But it's my rating system so I can do whatever the hell I want! Bwah ha ha! Oh, and go buy the video. It's keen!
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7/12/2000 - I figure that since I've added a bunch of stuff over the past few days I don't have to update the site for another month or two. Hooray!
7/13/2000 - Juliana Hatfield's new cd "Beautiful Creatures" is fantastic. It hasn't left my cd player in days.
7/14/2000 - After jumping down the stairs, I slipped on my tile floor and crashed into a wall. I have a big boo-boo on my head now. *sniffle*
7/15/2000 - I wrote another episode of The Kittiepuff Girls. Now I just have to summon enough attention-span so I can draw the thing.
7/16/2000 - I got really bored and started looking through my server files. I found this part that tells me exactly what web pages people came from to get to the site. Well, apparenly I'm listed on a search engine at www.google.com. I've never heard of it before, but that's not the weird thing. The really weird thing were the keywords that people used to find my site. Some examples are: Kittie, Talena, Canuck metal, military anthems, dolphin sex, and the Bay City Rollers. I am so very, very frightened.
7/17/2000 - Stupid Farmclub didn't show Kittie tonight. When the hell is Kittie going to be on that show?!?! I don't know how many more times I can stand Matt Pinfield or the bimbo he pretends to hang out with.
7/18/2000 - A new section added: Morgan's Water Bottle! I dedicated an entire section to the water bottle that I got from Morgan at the Farm Club show. Check it out. It's, uh . . . something to do while you wait for those pesky Full House re-runs to end.
7/19/2000 - I thought the TRL Ozzfest special was today. But it was yesterday! Darn, darn, DARN! I'm really angry now. Hold on while I go kick something over. Okay, now I feel better. No, wait, I'm still mad. I'm going to go kick something else over. Nope, that didn't help, either. I'll just keep kicking things over until I feel better.
7/20/2000 - I was kidnapped by aliens last night. They forced me to sing Karaoke and seperate my links section into two parts: 1.) A text links section for faster viewing and silly colors. 2.) A banner section for a bunch of neat pictures. Accursed aliens!
7/21/2000 - There's no greater fear than infinity!
7/22/2000 - My world is blue. Everything now has a blue-ish tint. I cannot escape the blue. I am blue. You are blue. Everything is blue. My world is blue.
7/23/2000 - A man asked me for R-rated pictures of Morgan's water bottle. I told him that in the last three pictures Charizard, Cookie Monster, and Steppenmaus are naked. He thanked me and called me a "magnificent bastard." Now I think he's my father.
7/24/2000 - Just when everyday, seemed to greet me with a smile, sunspots have faded, and now I'm doing time. 'Cause I fell on, black days.
7/25/2000 - I have a confession to make: I never met Kittie or went to any of their shows. I really sent a clone of Don Knotts to all those shows and he reported back to me. You see, I am really a floating brain with telekinetic powers. I am also ten thousand feet tall, but that's not important. My real name is Ben and I live in Florida. I enjoy Star Trek and eating veggie burgers. I have two left legs and no belly button. I am surrounded by a neon green glow that enables me to light up dance halls. And Kittie is my twelfth-favorite band. There. I feel better.
7/26/2000 - I like waking up at 1:00 in the afternoon and spending the entire day watching television. While you were all working, I was walking around the house in my underwear. I HAVEN'T BATHED IN EIGHT DAYS!!!! EIGHT DAYS!!!!
7/27/2000 - Look, ma! No updates!
7/28/2000 - Something happened today that's really cool. However, since I forgot to update the site yesterday, today, and tomorrow (which were really a couple days ago; I'm just saying "today" to fit the update), I'm going to post what happened under the 7/30/2000 update (which is really the day that I'm writing this, a.k.a. "today") so you can read it before you read this. My use of the past, present, and future tenses are quite confusing, no?
7/29/2000 - Ich bin mir nicht sicher, was du mit dieser Seite bezwecken willst, Kumpel. Aber es stinkt ziemlich nach verarschung Kittie gegenueber. Ich glaube nicht das du sie als Band ernst nimmst, jedenfalls hat es nicht den anschein. Das Interview war eigentlich ganz unterhaltsam, doch im Grunde einfach nur Schlecht ! Ich weiss, ich weiss.......das ist dennoch meine gegensaetzliche Meinung ! Da kannst nich dran ruetteln, Mann!
7/30/2000 - Great news! Super rock chicks Antoinette and Erika have started the We Love Byron band!!!!! YAY!!!! Check out the official We Love Byron band web page: We Love Byron! So start worshipping them now. One of these days, I'm going to dump this site and create one dedicated to them. Rock on, girls!
7/31/2000 - Farm Club didn't feature Kittie. Instead, they showed half of the Disturbed appearance (they left out one song and most of the interview, the bastards!). They also showed Creed and Godsmack. Which was cool. Or at least it was THE FIRST TWO HUNDRED TIMES THEY SHOWED IT!!!!! That's about as funny as this update is going to gets, folks.
8/1/2000 - Someone called me an idiot for not (and I quote) "provid[ing] true information on Kittie's Farm Club appearance." She then went on to say that it makes me "look stupid for not double checking your sources" because "other websites are reliable in the news they provide, whereas you are shown as the idiot you are since" blah, blah, blah. Basically she's mad at me for not having a respectable Kittie web site that she and her friends can trust for news. Then she spent an entire paragraph telling me what "an immature, stupid, self-absorbed, attention-starved loser" I am. My response was "I love you and I want to marry you and you will give me 800 jillion babies and cook me pot roast with one hand and write mean e-mails to me with the other hand and it will be really, really cool."
8/2/2000 - I want to beat up that greasy guy on the icast.com commercial. The one who goes, "I'm into some pretty squirrely music. And in order to find people who are into the same squirrely stuff as me," etc. You know who I'm talking about. But I really want to pound his head flat with a pipe.
8/3/2000 - I'm really not an angry, mean person. Honest.
8/4/2000 - Yesterday's update was stupid. But today's update is stupider.
8/5/2000 - This update is stupider than the last two updates combined.
8/6/2000 - I'm hearing that Kittie will be on Farm Club tomorrow. Hooray? Or Hoodamnitkittiearen'tontheshowthisweekstupidfarmclub?
8/7/2000 - Kittie was on Farm Club today! They showed Brackish (the complete version with a new ending) and half of the interview. Not the good "I like porn" half, though. But Morgan was on screen holding the water bottle that I got from her. So that kicked much ass.
8/8/2000 - I walked up and down Melrose Avenue for an hour. Then I walked up and down Sunset Blvd for another hour and pretended to be Jim Morrison.
8/9/2000 - I found some more keywords that people have used on search engines to find my site. In the order in which I found them, the keywords are: talena atfield, morgan lander, fallon bowman (note: this is the most popular phrase used), kittie, kittie porn, monkeys ass, www.monkeysass.com, hott kids chatroom, jenna belly button, Bon Jovi its my life midi, America is not in moral decline, mistress kittie, kittie da brat, dolphin penis, pink hippo, members of kittie naked, fallon porn, funny mail, devil worship, kittie naked, naked kittie, steel bondage stories, Ozzy humor, later Cynthia Garret bio, girls bums, her newly shaved head
8/10/2000 - I want polar bear paws instead of hands. Giant polar bear paws! Polar bear paws twice the size of my head! Claws are optional. I'd be content with just being able to smash someone's head in with one strike.
Updating the site would be tough. But I'd smash your head if you complained.
8/11/2000 - Hey, Bungalow Bill. Would did you kill, Bungalow Bill? Hey, Bungalow Bill. What did you kill, Bungalow Bill?
8/12/2000 - 
8/13/2000 - My server decided to change the layout of it's main computer thing around. So now I don't like updating the site because this new editor I have to use sucks. Oh, and the server also decided to reset almost all the stuff I had. Luckily, the counter remained intact. But my stats were all blown to hell. And my guestbook was taken down!!! So instead of using the generic one again, I took the two minutes to get an equally stupid guestbook from one of those free independent services.
8/14/2000 - I saw The Who perform at the Hollywood Bowl. Yeah!
8/15/2000 - They call me Blue Suede Schubert, the king of the bop. Bop, Schubert! Bop, Bop, Schubert!
8/16/2000 - There's nothing for you to read here! Absolutely nothing! So stop reading this because it's really not here.
8/17/2000 - Enough talk, brother Grifter! We fight until victory . . . or death!
8/18/2000 - They're A Muyo, episode #92: No Need For Updates. Eyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo *bong, bong*
8/19/2000 - I shall begin this week by not updating for another week.
8/20/2000 - Six more days of not updating to go.
8/21/2000 - Sorry, there's still five more days until I update again.
8/22/2000 - Four rhymes with bore. Which is what the lack of updating is turning my site into.
8/23/2000 - In three days, I shall update!
8/24/2000 - Well, only two more days to go until the updating begins.
8/25/2000 - Yay! Only one more day until I update the site! Hoorah! Hoorah!
8/26/2000 - I updated! I added a new section called, "No, just kidding, I fooled you all." You didn't really think I'd update the site, did you?
8/27/2000 - Nothing important happened today. So don't worry: you didn't miss nothing!
8/28/2000 - Empty space.
8/29/2000 - As I type this, millions of teenagers across America are in school. While they learn, I slumber. Oh, yes. I slumber.
8/30/2000 - Now that Brittany has been banished from "Big Brother," I have no more interest in the show. Sure, I didn't have any interest in the show to begin with. But, still! Brittany had green and bright red hair. And now that she's gone, I have even less interest in the show.
8/31/2000 - I saw the most disturbing thing on television today and I feel I have to yell about it. And since Antoinette is at school, I can't complain to her. So I have to do it here. Anyway, I saw a commercial for Kittie. Not for "Spit" or "Spit In Your Eye," though (although both products were mentioned briefly at the end; but, still, you know what I mean). Just a commercial for Kittie themselves. Now, this disturbs me a great deal. I mean, when the hell did we start making commercials to promote bands?!?! Not their album, mind you!!! BUT THE BAND ITSELF!!!!! WHAT THE HELL HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!?!? IT'S ENOUGH TO DRIVE A MAN CRAZY, I TELL YOU!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
9/1/2000 - The start of Labor Day weekend. Wonderful. Now I have to deal with all the rude L.A. meanies and their relatives. Bah!
9/2/2000 - Ozzfest came to town today! Whoo!
9/3/2000 - I created a section called "Talena Is Dead." It's cool. I also greatly updated the "About This Site" section.
9/4/2000 - I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO POST ABOUT THIS!!!! Anyway: Anne Heche is now the greatest actress in the world. I'm not a fan of her work, but an incident that happened a few weeks back solidifies her (in my mind) as a true entertainer. See, after breaking up with Ellen DeGeneres, Heche was roaming around northern California (Fresno, I believe). Her car broke down, so she walked down a dirt road for a few hours until she came to a farm house. The farmer recognized who she was and gladly let her in. Heche then proceded to lie on the couch, put the farmer's slippers on, drank coffee, and watched television. For several hours. When Heche showed no signs of leaving, the farmer called the police. Then, when the police questioned her (at the house), Heche started rambling about how she's God and will save the entire human race by taking them to space in a giant spaceship. Apparently, this incident was caused by a reaction she had to medication. Or so her publicist says (*wink, wink, nudge, nudge*). But, yeah, I can not stop laughing about this. Anne Heche rules!
9/5/2000 - I got this really neat drawing of young Elvis. It's not anything spectacular. In fact, the drawing is pretty bad. But what's really cool is the caption at the top that reads "Elvis before he got fat and before he died." Every time I read it, I crack up.
9/6/2000 - Spinal Tap is the greatest band in history. Ever.
9/7/2000 - Yesterday was not today. But today just happens to be yesterday.
9/8/2000 - Here are a few more keywords people have used to find this site: Slipknot Mickey Mouse Club, powerpuff girls dolls, toenail fetish, i met britney spears, belly button pics, jim morrison pics, scary skull pics, jewel breasts, kittie morgan how old, spanked concert, mandy moore shrine, alexis christian porn, mercedes naked, electric donkey bottom biter, dolphin tattoos, erection puberty embarrassed girls laugh, kittie drunk, born with only one arm, bass turd, crucify woman, brain telekinetic, hey mercedes. Now, I'm quite aware that a few of these were used by people who've read the site before. But, still, they made me laugh.
9/9/2000 - I wrote a poem for Stefanie of Choke. You can read it by going to Stefanie's diary thing. Look in the the archives and it's in number 20.
9/10/2000 - Help! Abe is trying to kill me! He's chewed a hole in my television cable and now I can't watch Pokemon! Curse you, Abe! Stop trying to kill me!
9/11/2000 - I just realized that the closest Pantera concert is in Texas. So it looks like I'm going to miss out on that. Oh, well. I probably wasn't even going to go in the first place. I'm scared enough of Kittie's fans. I don't even want to think what would happen if I was trapped in a venue with 2,000+ Pantera fans. Oh, no! I just thought about it! hold me...
9/12/2000 - I am sooooooooo the reincarnation of Elvis Presley.
9/13/2000 - I added a new hate mail to the hate mail section.
9/14/2000 - I know this makes me sound like more of a wuss than I've already made myself out to be, but I'm really liking Aimee Mann's new cd "Bachelor No. 2 or, the last remains of the dodo." Um, would it help my masculinity if I said Slayer rules? Yeah, um... well, they do. And stuff. And, y'know... other manly things.
9/15/2000 - Pancakes are fun to have around. But I wouldn't want them to move in.
9/16/2000 - Ugh. Stupid Los Angeles. It's 9:00 at night and it's over 90 degrees!!!! OVER 90 DEGREES!!!! What the hell is this?!?! I'd expect a ridiculous temperature like this in, y'know... Egypt or some such place. But not in Southern California. Accursed ozone layer! I blame you!
9/17/2000 - I had a dream where some random guy called and invited me to eat John Lennon's head. I thought I had to save John Lennon so I agreed to go. But I had to take a shower first, so I asked the guy for his phone number. He gave it to me, but every other number was a television metaphor. And to make matters worse, Byron wouldn't stop attacking the piece of paper. At the end, there were several thousand numbers on my piece of paper. So they all rose up in rebellion and tried to overthrow me. But I escaped by going to Toys R Us. Then I bought pants. I... bought... pants.
9/18/2000 - Poo.
9/19/2000 - Here are more search engine keywords people have used to find my site: johnny bravo pic cartoon network, Britney look a likes, mandy moore fart, powerpuff girls naked, brain telekinetic, the candy darlings, kittie talena real name, the dharma bums, fallon bowman naked, kittie mom, natelie04, snake river conspiracy, german sex site, anti-kittie, naked jenna elfman, freddy mercury impersonator, making slipknot masks, guys in drag, worship the devil
9/20/2000 - I'm a little tea pot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. Something, something, something, hear me shout. Tip me over and pour... me... out.
9/21/2000 - One week from this very day, I shall rewrite history and forge the future/present into the shape of Doris Day's left eyebrow.
9/22/2000 - "Almost Famous" is the all time greatest movie. Ever. In the history of movies. And that includes all the movies that haven't been made yet. I've seen this movie eight times (honest!) and it gets better every time. Man, oh, man.
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