4/1/2001 - I suppose I should put an April Fools joke for today's update. But, then again, I suppose you should lick the hair off Rosie O'Donnell's third chin.
4/2/2001 - Since this is the beginning of the second quarter of the year, I put all the news before April into the news archives.
4/3/2001 - I updated the tour dates section. Although I'm still not sure why I did.
4/4/2001 - Kittie's recording a new album. I think it's going to be titled "New Album." But nobody has confirmed this yet. I just like making things up.
4/5/2001 - According to one of my sources, the first single off of Kittie's new album is going to be "Smelly Fingers In The Face Of You Because You're Stupid And Smelly."
4/7/2001 - Panama.
4/8/2001 - Dee Snider is one strange dude. He's as weird as a pizza.
4/9/2001 - I, Pluto, have defeated The Defenders!
4/10/2001 - Trident for kids makes strong, healthy gums. Now in berry bubble flavor!
4/11/2001 - I hope those two Spy Kids die. Die, Spy Kids, die! Die, die, die, die, die, Spy Kids! Die! Spy Kids die, Spy Kids! Die.
4/12/2001 - Yeah.
4/13/2001 - Billy Idol: Behind The Music.
4/14/2001 - Today's update has been brought to you by the letter N, the number 12, and a homeless guy named Sam.
4/15/2001 - Everyone likes the Silver Surfer. He's all, like, silver.
4/16/2001 - Shaddap.
4/17/2001 - Do you look for that one potato chip with the most seasoning because it has the BIGGEST TASTE? Look no further than great tasting RUFFLES FLAVOR RUSH Potato Chips. Every chip is completely LOADED with Sour Cream and Onion and seasoned to perfection. You get the biggest taste because FLAVOR RUSH packs more flavor into the RUFFLES RIDGES to give you a remarkably intense flavor experience. Also try RUFFLES FLAVOR RUSH Big BBQ & Cheddar flavored Potato Chips!
4/18/2001 - Once-a-day Claritan. For all your herpes problems. Or something.
4/19/2001 - Go, Bon Jovi! Run like the wind! Run, Bon Jovi! Go like the wind!
4/20/2001 - Here are some keywords people have used to find this site: midget goths, sacramento, nice day for a white wedding, def leppard america sites, and, i've met godsmack, "get lade", hair like fallon bowman, good charlotte click lyrics, funny hypothetical question, marilyn manson verarschung, dogs eat poo, jim morrison's death, (0..15)0, life goes on corky pics.
4/21/2001 - Hail, hail, the lucky ones.
4/22/2001 - What the hell day is it today?
4/23/2001 - Uh... jet grind radio.
4/24/2001 - "Listen to the birds sing! All the little birds will die!" - Jack Kerouac.
4/25/2001 - Go here to download the funniest commercial I, in all my days as a 3rd grade science teacher, have ever seen.
4/26/2001 - Well, I completely forgot about They're A Million's first anniversary. I'm now one year old. To celebrate, Ann will sing a song.
4/27/2001 - It was twenty years ago today, that Sgt. Pepper told the band to play. He was something something something something, and he's guaranteed to something smile. So let me introduce to you, if you remember all these years. SGT. PEPPER'S... LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAND!
4/28/2001 - Cold french fries? Gag me on a spoon!
4/29/2001 - Don't let it be forgot, that once there was a spot, for one brief, shining moment that was known as Camelot.
4/30/2001 - The last day of April. And there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
5/1/2001 - Look at me! I'm a captain of a boat! I'm a boat captain! And I'm getting drunk! I'm a drunk boat captain! I'm a drunk boat captain with a parrot voice! I sound like a parrot! Squak, squak, all hands on deck, this is your captain speaking! Captain Parrot of the U.S.S. Alcohol! I'm a captain!
5/2/2001 - I lost Ringo Starr.
5/3/2001 - Still too much to finish. Stupid, stupid rat tails.
5/4/2001 - Burpy, burpy, birdy chirpy.
5/5/2001 - Why do movie studios always release an "uncensored, uncut, unwhatever" version of movies a couple months after they release a movie on home video/dvd? Stupid movie companies. All they want is to suck money from the wallets of teenagers who want to see boobies. Stupid teenagers.
5/6/2001 - What did I just say? It doesn't make much sense. Oh, well. Who's actually reading this, anyway? Just a bunch of teenagers that want to see boobies. Stupid teenagers.
5/7/2001 - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!! "Boobies." HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/8/2001 - What time is it? Darn it.
5/9/2001 - This update is boring.
5/10/2001 - Right now, Kittie is recording their next album in Canada. Also right now, I haven't changed my socks in four days. Coincidence?
5/11/2001 - You are one dumb s.o.b., Trent.
5/12/2001 - The previous update was brought to you by a smelly homeless guy wrapped in newspapers. Okay, okay, it was really just me wrapped in newspapers pretending to be a homeless guy. But I am smelly.
5/13/2001 - I need to get out more.
5/14/2001 - Sam Raimi owns you. And your mother. And your old baby shoes.
5/15/2001 - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP?!?!?!
5/16/2001 - Yahoo still won't list my site. Why? What did I do wrong? Darn, darn, DARN!
5/17/2001 - M.
5/18/2001 - I bet you've never even heard of Led Zeppelin.
5/19/2001 - Lawrence Durrell rocks the party all night long.
5/20/2001 - I bet you've never even heard of Lawrence Durrell.
5/21/2001 - I've got nothing to say but it's okay.
5/22/2001 - Good morning, Mr. Bankishere. Would you care for a chicken?
5/23/2001 - Go in through the out door. Then you'd be a rebel. Mr. Rebel Without A Door.
5/24/2001 - Sorry. I thought it was funny.
5/25/2001 - Sporty Spice is now really fat. That's irony with a capital "IRON." Because iron is healthy.
5/26/2001 - Who can it beeeeee now?
5/27/2001 - Overheard at a bookstore the other day: "Don't you wish we lived to be 200 and days were 48 hours long? I'd do so much more stuff."
5/28/2001 - Hello muddah, hello faddah, hello kittie. HA HA HA HA HA!!! I'm so funny.
5/29/2001 - The days are just packed. Packed full of Calvin and Hobbes comic strips. And balloons that say "It's a boy!"
5/30/2001 -
5/31/2001 - Another month down the drain.
6/1/2001 - Another month up the drain.
6/2/2001 - I don't speak German, but I play one on tv.
6/3/2001 - Type like an Egyptian.
6/4/2001 - Right now I'm eating carnauba wax. Yum!
6/5/2001 - And of course Henry the horse dances the waltz.
6/6/2001 - I'm getting tired of writing this almost as much as you don't like to read it. Down with grammar!
6/7/2001 - This sentence is really four different thoughts mixed into one outburst.
6/8/2001 - 6 8 2001. Get it? Six ate two-thousand and one! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
6/9/2001 - 6 9 2001. Get it? Six nine! Sixty nine! That's so cool! Almost as cool as 4/20! Get it? Four twenty! That's so cool!
6/10/2001 - 6 10 2001. Get it? Six, uh... ten. Whoo...
6/11/2001 - I've just stopped trying. This is stupid.
6/12/2001 - I changed my mind. THE SHOE MUST GO ON! Typos make for good puns, no?
6/13/2001 - And she's buying a stairway... to Heaven.
6/14/2001 - Enter a random Bruce Campbell quote here. Take your time. No rush. You have aaaaaaaaallllllll day.
6/15/2001 - This stopped being a news/updates section a long time ago. Now it's just a place where I talk to myself. Or invisible people like you.
6/16/2001 - Bleh.
6/17/2001 - Losing... mind... must... eat... cheet-o's... KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
6/18/2001 - LooK! i'M TYPiNG aLL GoTH aND CooL! i aM THe DaRK PRiNCe oF THe iNTeRNeT! BooGaH, BooGaH, BooGaH!
6/19/2001 - Someone stole my favorite pair of Flinstones underwear.
6/20/2001 - The retuuuuuurn of the thin, white duke.
6/21/2001 - Hold on. I'm still making the rest of this update up.
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