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. . . Here is a side shot of the water bottle. It's standing on a corner of my desk. That white part in the back is my wall. Notice the delicate features on the lining. The fine craftsmanship used to paint the logo. Look! There's still some water left at the bottom. And even though you can't see it, there's still a bit of saliva on the top. I think there's some salvia residue lining the side, but it could just be an illusion. It's awe-inspiring. Truly. The shadow in the background is almost as cool as the bottle. The shadow touches both the desk and the wall. Weird, isn't it? Just think: Morgan's mouth touched this! Every night I hug it and squeeze it and caress it and kiss it and lick it and make love to it.

. . . Another shot of the water bottle. But this one is at a different angle. I feel this shot brings out the emotional, human side of the water bottle. It looks like it's about to paint a sunny sky or write a poem about nature. However, the evil-looking shadow in the background offers a sinister look into the soul of the water bottle. It says that even the most tranquil, happy people can have evil sides. Does this bottle lead a double life? Does it attack little puppies and laugh at senior citizens while I sleep? Is it the reason I run out of Chee-tos so quickly? Hmmmm. I'm going to have to keep a closer watch on this water bottle. My desk and the wall are just there for support. But you can see the edge of my desk. That white smudge in the corner is spilled white-out. Honest!

. . . Here's yet another different angle of the water bottle. This shot shows more of the front than the previous two. Also, the shadow in the background is dimmer and can't be seen quite as clearly. Maybe it's just the picture quality. I dunno. I blame your computer. You aren't viewing it right. Your web browser loaded the picture wrong and ruined it for all of us! Good job. Although the way that my desk and wall merge is really neat! On the side of the bottle it says, "Arrowhead Fitness Tip 4: When running in the heat, start out hydrated with at least 24 ounces of water - then drink 6 ounces every 15 minutes while on the road." Ah, yes. Words of wisdom that you should live by.

. . . This is an out-of-focus look at the water bottle. I think it's very abstract. It could be surreal, though. You can never really tell with modern art. I should write "WAR" in big, pink letters underneath it. Then I could sell it for millions of dollars. Then people will comment on the brilliance and daring of the water bottle. How it captures the essence of my soul, which is sad yet joyous at the same time! How it represents [enter over-used cliché here]! How it defines an entire generation! How it is a tour de force, even though no one knows what that means! Idiots.

. . Here is the water bottle next to a picture of Morgan. The picture is actually the really big fold-out poster from an old issue of "Circus." It looks like it's trying to go back in Morgan's mouth, doesn't it? It's going home! It's going home! And Talena is jealous because the water bottle loves Morgan, not her. "Where's my water bottle?" she asks. "I want a water bottle..." That's my thumb at the base of the water bottle. You can also sort of see my finger at the bottom. The white background is my wall.

. . The water bottle is lying down next to a picture of Morgan playing guitar. Both items are on my desk. The picture is not taped to my wall because there's stuff on the back of the page that I like looking at. This is from the "Circus" issue, as well. Morgan looks scared because the water bottle is stalking her. It wants to make looooove to you, Morgan. L-O-V-E. *smoochie, smoochie*

. . . The water bottle is next to a picture of Kittie from some magazine I forget the name of. The picture is an old one, though. This is what they looked like when they first arrived in the mainstream (or, more importantly, back when they wore really skimpy outfits). If you'll notice: the water bottle is covering up Talena. Why? Because the water bottle is really Seleria, the Mystery Bassist! Bwah ha ha! The picture fragment above is another Kittie group shot from a different magazine. And the white background is my wall.

. . The water bottle is next to a more recent picture of Kittie. This is the picture that's above the older image of Kittie. But I put it below in order to confuse you. What's neat is that if you put this image above the image of the older Kittie, this picture lines up with the fragment of this picture that's in the older picture. And if that weren't confusing enough, the water bottle is covering up Fallon in this picture. See, since Talena originally played guitar but was moved to bass, Seleria has taken over Fallon's spot since Seleria originally played bass and wants to move to guitar. Like a Bizarro Talena. And again, the white background is my wall.

. . The water bottle is next to a copy of "Spit," Kittie's cd. I taught it to stand up all by myself. Both items are displayed beautifully on my desk. In fact, the flash from the camera caused a bright light to be reflected off the cd case. The cd case converted the light into a rainbow thing that's reflected off my desk. Which means Kittie have magical powers. The good kind, though. Oddly enough, the rainbow ends just before it gets to Talena. Which means there's truth behind the whole "Talena is evil" thing. She destroys rainbows. In the upper corner, you can see my ticket stub from when I saw Kittie perform at the House of Blues. And look! There's my wall again.

. . . Here's the water bottle next to the inside cover of "Spit," Kittie's cd. It stands over the girls like the mighty lion over his cubs. Ever watchful. Ever protective. Again, both items are on the edge of my desk. If you'll notice, below my desk is nothing but a black void of really painful sharp things. The edge of my desk leads to realms of pure evil. Hmmm, you don't think the water bottle is going to push Kittie over the edge and send them to suffer for 10 jillion lifetimes in a pit that defines the word "scary," do you? Egads! Run, girls! Run! Wait, maybe my wall will protect them. That's what it's there for, isn't it? Protect them, wall! Protect them!

. . Here's the water bottle posing with my dog, Byron. We named him after the early-19 century British poet, Lord Byron. Look how small he is! The water bottle dwarfs him. By golly, he's so cute it makes my eyes bleed. But he's a terror on four legs, I assure you. My brother had to hold him down for the picture. Otherwise he would have attacked and dismembered the water bottle. Or he would've humped it. Either way, we didn't wait long enough to find out. Nevertheless you must worship him! Start web pages dedicated to him! Then start a band called "We Love Byron." If you do, I'll make a satirical web page dedicated to you. Honest! It'll be fun.

. . Here's the water bottle surrounded by my Powerpuff Girls dolls. For those who don't know, the one with the red bow in her hair is Blossom, commander and the leader. The blonde is Bubbles, she is the joy and laughter. And the black-haired one is Buttercup, she is the toughest fighter. Powerpuffs save the day! Fiiighting crime, trying to saaave the woooorld. Here they come just in tiiiime, the Pooooowweeeerpuff Girls. Fiiiighting crime, trying to saaave the wooorld. Here they come just in tiiiime, the Pooooweeeerrpuff Girls. Powerpuff! sorry...

. Here's the water bottle next to my Space Ghost toy. But in order to keep some part of my dignity, I call it an "action figure." It sounds more masculine. Marvel at the neat pose Space Ghost is in! He's mid-way between flexing his muscles and hugging the water bottle. They're the new super team: Space Ghost and Water Bottle! Protecting the universe from not-at-all-good things! I just need to find a cape for the water bottle. Both items are displayed on my desk. And, yep, the wall is there.

. . Here's the water bottle wearing my flannel shirt. It looks pretty hip, doesn't it? Yeah, baby! The water bottle is recyclable, but the flannel shirt isn't. It's true, it's true. The water bottle looks kind of sinister in the flannel shirt. It looks like it's sneaking around and going to sell you stolen kidneys or something. Ooooh. Sneaky, sneaky water bottle! It's so sneaky! The water bottle is a secret agent, H-2-Double O. Bwah ha ha! I'm a funny, funny guy. I should have my own talk show. Give me an 8:30 time slot! Now! On TNN! And I want dancing monkeys on the show! Dance, monkeys! Dance!

. . Here's the water bottle next to my Hellboy lunch box. The water bottle has never been *in* the lunch box, but it's been very close to the lunch box when the lid was open. The lid is closed in this picture. I closed it so you could see the picture of Hellboy. Hellboy is a really keen comic book. It's about this demon (at least, people suspect he's a demon; his origin is unknown) who works for a government agency that solves paranormal mysteries. Like Scooby Doo, only not so covertly homosexual.

. . . The water bottle os shown here next to a mouse toy. When you squeeze it's tummy, it talks in a very high-pitched voice. Only it talks very fast and I can't understand what it says. Since it's in a biker jacket and has a red bandana, I've decided that this is one bad-ass mouse. And I don't mean a Kid Rock-type bad ass. I mean a George Thorogood (did I spell that right?) and the Destroyers-type bad ass. I named it Steppenmaus. And if you don't understand why, then you're not a bad ass. You pansy. Steppenmaus and the water bottle are placed on a flower-covered laundry hamper. My desk was getting angry at all the picture-taking. And the wall behind them isn't my wall. It's the hallway wall.

. . . The water bottle is being used here as a support for my Cookie Monster thing. I got this Cookie Monster from a cereal box. I was looking forward to a nice bowl of Lucky Charms when, bam! This silly looking Cookie Monster falls out. But, by the hammer of Thor, it sure is cute. Therefore, it is worthy enough to be placed near the water bottle. Hug Cookie Monster! Hug him! He wants you to hug him! Hug the water bottle, too! It's so huggable! It's so very huggable! Hug Cookie Monster and the water bottle at the same time! Hug them! HUG THEM!!!

. The water bottle is here with my Charizard doll thing. The Charizard came with candy inside. Now it's empty. I don't think I need to explain why. ;) Heh. Now the Charizard just sits there, looking all mean and angry. Look at it! It looks like it's pretty mad at something. Maybe it's mad at the water bottle. Nah. The water bottle is a thing of beauty. Nothing can be mad at it. Unless the Charizard is evil. But it would have to be Talena-evil in order to hate the water bottle. And that's just not possible. Unless the Charizard *IS* Talena! Good heavens! I have to go scream like a little girl now. I hope you enjoyed this section!